catching fire like kerosene
by BbbStrwbrry
Summary: Retirement isn't all that it's cracked up to be, aka, Artemis and Wally don't take to well to it.


**I just wanted to write Artemis kicking ass and Wally being a stupid dork. Mission accomplished.**

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First and foremost, Artemis swears she didn't go looking to bust a robbery – it found her.

Now that that issue has been made clear, here is what happened: she had been walking home after her afternoon classes at Stanford when she heard the tell tale ringing of a security alarm that belongs to a jewelry store. Next thing, Artemis is positive these robbers have probably never done anything remotely criminal up until this point because, seriously, who honestly tries to rob a store in broad daylight.

"Idiots," she mutters under her breath as she sprints down the block toward the store, her backpack in tow.

In the back of her mind she knows she shouldn't. She and Wally are _retired_ , emphasis on the _tired._ Artemis can't go sprinting back into action as a hero, but then again, they never said anything about spontaneously stopping robberies as a _civilian_. She smirks at the loophole she has discovered and rounds the corner to see the jewelry shop.

The glass door is shattered and the glass displays are smashed to bits. Artemis spots the obvious culprits. Obvious meaning they have ski masks over their heads while one points a gun at the store manager and the other is busy stuffing necklaces and rings into a burlap sack.

"What do you amateurs _think_ you're doing?" Artemis growls as she takes a good look at the store manager who has a gun shoved in his face. He's older and looks like this whole ordeal may give him a heart attack.

"Get out of here, young lady! They'll shoot you!" He shouts at Artemis, which she rolls her eyes at. If only they knew how truly qualified she was to take these bozos down.

"Mitch, grab the girl!" The one with the gun says, "She'll make a good hostage." The one with the burlap sack, Mitch, stops shoving jewels into his bag, rounds on Artemis with a gun, and approaches her quickly.

Artemis, much to her credit, tries to hide the smirk that threatens to spread over her face, but as she quickly knocks the gun out of the bozo's hand and solidly KO's him with a roundhouse kick to the face, the smirk appears in all it's glory. The store manager looks astounded and the second goon has his mouth wide open in shock.

"Oh, girly. You better watch out." The burglar threatens, changing the target of his gun from the old man to her.

"Bring it, newbie." She snickers.

Before Artemis can blink, he's firing at her and if this had been happening before she joined the Team, she may have a bullet graze or two, but luckily for her, she's been sparring a speedster, Martian, Atlantian, Kryptonian, and whatever Robin – er, _Nightwing_ , was, for the past 5 years. Artemis easily dodges the first bullet and makes her way to the robber. He's shocked, clearly, cause his bug-eyes indicate so, and Artemis punches him square in the jaw. He recovers quickly though and aims a punch at her stomach, which she avoids by somersaulting out of the way. She gets back to her feet, but can feel shards of glass digging into her knees and hands from her roll.

Artemis sighs at this, "If I had known I'd be taking down lame burglars this afternoon, I would've worn jeans instead of shorts." The robber doesn't respond to her though, instead choosing to grab the sack while she's distracted and run towards the exit.

"Chicken!" She yells, shaking her head. But despite him running away, Artemis smiles to herself, she missed _this_ : the adrenaline thrumming through her veins and her heart racing from exhilaration.

All of a sudden, a gust of wind blows her blonde hair around and Artemis looks to see her knocked out criminal tied up on the sidewalk outside the store with his partner in crime, her escapee.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Kid Flash asks, standing before her. And although his tone is joking, Artemis can tell he's upset with her because his eyes don't have a spark and his smirk doesn't quite reach it's full air of pretentious hero.

The manager, who after his initial appearance had been cowering in a corner, appears both shell shocked and excited that a) he's alive ( _all thanks to her, thank you very much, no need to congratulate Kid Idiot on this one_ ), b) his store didn't lose any merchandize as indicated by the sack in Kid Flash's hand, and c) an actual superhero standing in front of him.

"I'll tell you what we have here," he says, gripping Kid's arm and pointing at Artemis, "A crazy woman actually took down these lunatics! You need to get her into the Justice League!"

Wally fakes a grin for the sake of the manager, "I'm sure I can hook her up."

Artemis doesn't miss the stern side-eye he gives her, and she doubts her loophole will work. But, then again, why is _Kid Flash_ here?

"The police should be here any moment now, sir. But in the mean time, I'm going to take this lady to the hospital to get those knees checked out." Kid Flash says in her 'heroic' voice, which Artemis rolls her eyes at.

"Of course! Take her!" The manager agrees, as he reclaims his sack of jewelry.

Wally scoops her up and they're off-site just as the police cars with their blaring sirens pull up. Artemis is by now accustomed to traveling at the speed of sound, so her hair flying wildly around her isn't a bother, but she can't help but feel a little satisfied when some of her strands whip Wally in the face. She did good work, and she had a _loophole._

"We're not going to the hospital are we?" She means it as a rhetorical question.

"Oh, definitely not." Wally answers as he takes a right and ends up in front of their door.

It's silent as he opens the door. Brucely barks a greeting at them, but as Wally unceremoniously drops Artemis on the couch and takes off his cowl, the cold quiet settles in and the tension in the room is palpable. Artemis crosses her arms and watches as Wally grabs the first aid kit from underneath the kitchen sink. He's applying peroxide to her knees to clean the cuts and uses tweezers to get the glass out. There is a quiet focus to his work, which Artemis doesn't want to interfere with, so she sits still like the fabulous patient she is and hopes that Wally's anger at her will boil over while he works.

Unfortunately, luck isn't on Artemis' side, well at least on the relationship front, because as he grabs one of her arms to start picking glass from her hands he asks fiercely, "What the hell were you thinking?"

Artemis narrows her eyes at him, still stewing in the anger she has simply because he's mad at her. "What do you think? I was the only on around!"

"So you think it's smart to take out some robbers as a civilian?! Do you realize how idiotic that is? Batman is going to kill you when he finds out and I may let him!" Wally shouts. He is on the verge of screaming at her, but he finishes pulling glass from her right hand and switches to her left.

"You're being dramatic," she sighs, "he'll never find out."

He finishes her left hand, "Artemis, he's _Batman_ , of course he will."

"Wally," she says his name with exasperation, "I couldn't just let him be robbed or killed! I could so something, I'm _trained_ to do something!"

Wally clenches his fists and abruptly stands up from the couch, which surprises her. He starts pacing around the living room. "But that's just it, Artemis!" he shouts, all restraint leaving his voice. "We're retired, it's not our job to help anymore!"

Artemis regains her composure, crossing her arms once again and sends him her signature glare. "Says the man in the Kid Flash suit."

Wally whirls on her with all the speed he possesses, "That is besides the point."

"No, actually Wally, it is the point!" She yells as she stands up so that they are eye to eye. "Why are you in the suit?"

He avoids eye contact with her and it's quiet in their apartment. That is, until the puzzle pieces click together in Artemis' brain.

"Oh my god! You were out patrolling weren't you!?" She shouts, disbelief creeping into her tone.

"Don't be ridiculous," he says, waving her off, "I just happened to be in the area and saw you so-"

Artemis stops him, "Weren't you supposed to be in lab today?"

"It got cancelled." Wally says, his voice a little higher in octave.

"Really?" Artemis asks, raising her eyebrows in suspicion.

After a brief staring contest, Wally caves. "Okay, fine! I was out patrolling."

"Hah!" Artemis yells triumphantly, "I knew it!"

Her victory is short lived though, "Wait do you even _have_ a lab today?"

Wally looks sheepish and looks over to Brucely for help. Artemis jabs him in the chest with her index finger, "You've been lying to me?"

"Fine, yes, I've been lying. But I couldn't just put the suit away, babe." Wally explains desperately, "I feel like part of me is missing… and I felt guilty about lying – I really did, but babe, … I just couldn't." He collapses on the couch, his head in his hands.

Artemis paces the living room for a bit, trying to regain any resemblance of composure. Finally, she gains her patience back, sighs and sits down next to Wally rubbing his back.

"I knew retirement wouldn't suit us well." She deadpans, a subtle apology.

Wally chuckles and looks up at her, "You're still mad aren't you?"

"Oh, I'm furious." She answers, "But, I have a proposition for you, a way to split the difference."

Wally's eyes spark with curiosity, so Artemis continues, "You promise to do all the dishes for a week," which Wally groans out because of all the chores, dishes definitely was his least favorite, "But you can continue to patrol with _me_."

He pretends to ponder for a moment before nodding his head, "Deal, babe." Artemis seals it with a kiss.

"You know, Batman really is going to kill you." Wally says as they separate.

Artemis groans and nuzzles her head into Wally's shoulder. "Don't remind me."

He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. Brucely joins them on the couch, curling up in the space next to them.

"I love you," Artemis whispers into his neck, kissing the skin there.

"Love you too, babe." Wally echoes, kissing the crown of her head.

Truth be told, Wally always knew that retirement was never an option for them.

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 **Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!**


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